I thought when I found the love of my life I was lovable, I was whole. What I didn’t realize is the only person that can make you whole is yourself. When he left I was lost, scared and broken. I was a single mom with a two year old. I picked up my life of twenty years and moved across the United States to start over. I felt such anger and resentment because this was not the life I planned. I wanted to embrace my new life but I didn’t know how to be with it, how to accept it and find joy in it. I knew I had so much to be grateful for but I couldn’t see past the pain. I was stuck in my story, my sadness and shame.
I was allowing fear and my need for control run my life, gripping me so tightly I couldn’t see the difference between fear and intuition.
My life was spinning out of control and the uncertainty felt like a death sentence. I knew something had to give….I knew I had to make a change to be the mom that my daughter deserved so I began my search to find my way ‘home’.
My journey into my own WILDERNESS took me to the depths of my darkness, where there was so much blame and shame around my failed marriage and being a single mom. I wanted peace. I wanted to forgive myself and the man who broke me so wide open I didn’t know if I would ever recover. I set out walking to heal my broken heart but it turned out to be so much more than that. I realized I had abandoned myself for so long that I wasn’t sure who I was or what I wanted. It was always easy for me to give love but difficult to love myself and receive love from others. This left me feeling lonely and isolated. I NEVER loved ALL of me and I often compared myself to others which left me feeling like I wasn’t enough. I kept parts of me hidden to myself and the world. I wanted to embrace all of me so I started my search for my true self. To discover ME, not the me trying to please others and be something they wanted me to be…..this was MY journey.
The Wilderness Walk taught me about forgiveness, acceptance, self love and wholeness.
It allowed me to see that by taking responsibility for my divorce, I could regain my power and reclaim my life. I was no longer caught up in my story of making him or me wrong. It became about how I treat myself and how I allow others to treat me. I now know ways to set clear boundaries that honor me. I now trust myself to never abandon me again. I no longer seek validation from others and can turn inward for my own answers. It has taught me about living with courage. I can be vulnerable enough to be fully seen. To be gentle and loving with myself especially when I don’t get it right. I now embrace uncertainty with excitement and allow myself to have faith in the process and float with the natural current of life and trust me…it will carry you!
My core truth is to reclaim my life, live BOLDLY, dare greatly and know I am one with God and the Universe.
The Wilderness Walk taught me how important it is to take care of me so I can give to others. I have learned so much about myself on this journey. It was divine intervention that led me here and it is truly the best gift I have ever given myself.
There is now a spark in me, I feel alive, I am HOME.
Where in your life can you CHOOSE YOU?
Walker ~ Costa Rica